Ramaphosa ‘in awe’ of ‘Shaka iLembe’, shares tips on what makes a man

President Cyril Ramaphosa used the strong bond depicted by legendary Zulu king  Shaka ka Senzangakhona and his mother Queen Nandi in the drama series Shaka iLembe to share lessons on how young men and boys should treat women. 

Ramaphosa told a young men and boys dialogue on Tuesday that women should be treated with respect, recognition and equality. Trading in his leadership hat for a fatherly cap, Ramaphosa shared highlights which he said, in his book, make a man. 

“I am in awe of how Shaka iLembe respected his mother, how he treated his mother, how he wanted to protect his mother at all times. Even as his mother was being demeaned and degraded, he took it upon himself that ‘I am going to wipe out the suffering and the travails you are going through.’ 

“What it taught me is that if men can treat women in their lives with respect, recognition or equality, we will then go a long way,” he said.  

Ramaphosa was speaking at an engagement on the prevention and combating of gender-based violence and femicide that was part of the Presidential Young Men and Boys Indaba in Soweto.  

Ramaphosa said topping the list of what makes a good man is respect.

“Young men and boys should use the image of their mothers and then transpose that to your relationships with other women you come across,” he said. 

Exercising empathy and understanding of women will also go a long way in helping men to understand women, he said. 

“Being able to empathise and have full understanding of the condition women have [is also important], even things like once a month a woman has to go through a period that is difficult for her.”  

Men should also know they need to have boundaries, he said.

“It’s important and essential for young men and boys to respect boundaries, recognising that consent is important. Even saying things like ‘Wow, your breasts’ — men should know and understand there are limits.”

Society should challenge gender stereotypes like women tending to men, he said, adding: “You have to make a stand against misogyny. Boys must be educated about the negative impact of misogyny, attitudes and looking at women as objects men should use, as objects of sex, as people you can oppress, undermine and demean. It cannot be.”  

He said young men and boys should be encouraged to communicate openly about their feelings and not be ashamed to cry. “Crying is something that does not get done and sometimes we don’t want to cry even when a situation demands you should.” 

Fathers should become good role models to their children, particularly their sons, he said. 

“The other one is to have a partnership relationship. As young men we must view women as partners in life activities.” 

Young men and boys should focus on getting educated and reading. 

Ramaphosa conceded there was a general focus on the girl child rather than the boy child, even in his own household.

“My daughters have said: ‘Dad, you seem to be focusing more on us and seeking to protect us all the time. What about the boys?’  

“And I have said, 'Yes, I do pay more attention [to the girls]. We must therefore change our societal approach to focusing on the boys as well because they must be part of our journey towards a South Africa free of violence and free of these very terrible attitudes towards women.” 

Gender-based violence is a scourge that needs to end, he said. “There is a crisis in our society — a terrible crisis that will destroy us if we do not overcome it. That crisis is violence against women and girls, violence that men perpetrate. Because it is men who are responsible for this scourge, men need to be part of bringing it to an end. 

“This crisis is violence against women and children, violence that we as men perpetrate in the way we treat them be it at home, sexually and when we kill and rape them.”  

In the workplace, Ramaphosa said, women are pushed to the back and are not given opportunities to surge to the fore. “This is a scourge I described as a pandemic, even as we were going through the pandemic. We need men to get together to bring this to an end.” 

To end gender-based violence, Ramaphosa said there must a focus on prevention.

He said young men face immense pressure in the family, in relationships, with their friends and from peer pressure in schools.

“It is quite intense where they want you to be ‘the bra obonakalayo ukuthi uyisiqhwaga futhi ayikho into oyisabayo’ [the guy who makes himself appear fearful and someone who fears nothing] and in some cases in South Africa today, black men are most vulnerable to violence.”  

Ramaphosa said while society challenges and tackles “toxic masculinity and patriarchy” it is important to remember men are also vulnerable to being recruited into gangs, using drugs and being part of criminal activities. 

He said young men and boys are forced to grow up faster and engage in sexual activities earlier than girls.  

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